Fun For Fur! Issue 1

Upon visiting our country cottage, many people say "Yikes, what are those horrendous things!?" Not, of course, referring to my housemates, but instead to mine and 'Phantom' John's hand-made novelty decanters - a must for any serious gentleman.

Other, slightly less inspired questions follow, such as "are they real?", "what do you want them for?", "how could you be so cruel?" and "why? why? why??"

Some, people though ask "Dr Joe / John, how did you make them? - what is the secret?" And the purpose of this post is to recount in a photo-journalistic reportage style the necessary and requisite steps.

First you will need some RAW MATERIALS:

• source of fur - best is a stole from an old posh lady or charity shop
• bottle with replaceable cork stopper - port or sherry preferable
• top notch glue (epoxy resin = good, pritt stick = bad)
• knife for chopping, slashing etc

For ease, the bottle should be empty, but NB it is not wise to combine sharp knives, epoxy resin and the potential to give housemates fur moustaches while they sleep, with large quantities of port/sherry. Give it a day after finishing the bottle and then start is our advice.

First you should dissemble the fur from the stole or other fur source - use the knife for this part. You should end up with 2 piles - A) useful bits of fur, including heads, legs, tails, and main fur, and B) stuff which is not fur and therefore to be discarded. If you are unsure, please refer to the helpful pictures below.

So fur so good!

Personally, I would sort out the head/cork first - use of a large quantity of glue is necessary, as you wouldn't want if falling off when you are most in need of a restorative libation!

To form the head/cork, push the plastic top of the cork stopper firmly into the underside of the head section, and firmly adhere. Then fold in the fur edges carefully so that they curve around, but make sure not to stick them to the cork - that would be wrong. Ideally you want to end up with the top of the cork being masked by a rim of fur, which is important if you do not wish people, especially the very old and the very young, to realise that it may be filled with liquor!

With this achieved, you are free to start modelling your friendly animal decanter as you see fit. You may choose, as I did, to use a realistic style, arranging the fur in a natural way, running along the length of the body, mimicking a real animal.

Alternatively, you may choose, as John did, to stick it on any-old how in a capricious fashion for a more rogue-ish lovable effect. Either is great, but obviously do not feel restricted to these methods - experiment and come up with your own style...

If you make more than one decanter, then they can form them into a family -

• Brandy - Daddy Decanter
• Gin - Mummy Decanter
• Rum - Uncle Decanter
• Vodka - Teenage Decanter
  
• Bitters - Small Child Decanter
• Amaretto - Grandma Decanter

Obviously, being decanters, they should be filled with a decantus of choice e.g. brandy, which can then be readily and summarily dispensed. Here, because childern may be watching, lingonberry juice has been used to realistically mimic

the fluidity of assorted liquor types. And hopefully you can clearly see the effect of pouring.

There are many ways of customising your decanter for that personal touch. For example, the arms on mine are joined together facilitating a glass-carrying function. You may be limited in this, like John who only had short stumpy arms, which stick up all stunted and are incapable of supporting a glass. I should point out that this wasn't his fault though.

Although we have not experimented with making outfits for our decanters, I'm sure that if you felt so inclined, a hat, maybe a smart tie, or even a pair of dungarees could be constructed to suit, especially for a special occasion / themed event. The possibilities are unbounded.

So there you are; a handy guide which hopefully will have answered all of your questions upon this subject. I was thinking of contacting DeAgostini or some such similar publishers, to produce a fortnightly magazine -

But remember, while consuming alcohol decanted from a novelty animal decanter is indeed a great pleasure, that you shouldn't get carried away. That way lies drunkeness, sorrow and gout.
Also for those who do not consume alcohol, there is the definite possibility to decant a non-alcoholic drink instead - for example fancy juice, ribena or milk.