Joe & John vs. Animal Kingdom
Round 1 - Joe vs. Black Swan
It all started the other night as I wheeled my broken bike home after midnight. Passing the Mill Pond, I was rudely accosted in the dark by a large black swan, which obviously thought that it could get away with it as it was in the river, which was also dark. It didn't make a normal swan noise, but a sort of sneering noise - probably mocking my lack of transportation... but we can never truly know.
Swans are quite aggressive but this one overstepped the mark and certainly had no idea what it had let itself in for, as I was in a mood not to be trifled with by neither man nor beast! So, out with the camera, *on* with the flash, and 3,2,1 - BOSH! Midnight Wildlife Flash Exposure (aka MidWiFE) was born as an artform. (In actual fact I pioneered the technique in 1995 while in Venice, using Venetian cats as my targets, but this passtime was observed before the midnight hour.)
As the pictures show quite nicely, during the first flash the swan appears to be confused and probably entering in shock... which is understandable. By the time I took the second picture cocky swan was cocky no longer, and had realised the error of its ways. It put its head under the water, hopefully having a good long think about what it had done and how it should do things better in future. Lesson learnt methinks.
Round 1 - Joe Wins
Round 2 - John vs. Evil Woodlouse
When I got home, I encountered John, armed with a lighter and a can of air freshener on his way to the bathroom to exercise some rough justice. He had found the woodlouse he believed most likely to be responsible for the lack of central heating in our house - it was lounging around in the bath, and he was going to give it what for!
As the following rapid acquisition photo series shows, the Evil Woodlouse of Central heating doom was no match for the wrath of John and capitulated beneath the crushing force of truth and righteousness.
Mr Woodlouse certainly won't be breaking our central heating ever again. He's learned his lesson the hard way. As we can see from zooming in, he was well and truly fried... that will teach him to take on the big boys.
When I got home, I encountered John, armed with a lighter and a can of air freshener on his way to the bathroom to exercise some rough justice. He had found the woodlouse he believed most likely to be responsible for the lack of central heating in our house - it was lounging around in the bath, and he was going to give it what for!
As the following rapid acquisition photo series shows, the Evil Woodlouse of Central heating doom was no match for the wrath of John and capitulated beneath the crushing force of truth and righteousness.
Mr Woodlouse certainly won't be breaking our central heating ever again. He's learned his lesson the hard way. As we can see from zooming in, he was well and truly fried... that will teach him to take on the big boys.
Round 2 - John Wins!
OVERALL RESULT - JOHN & JOE WIN 2-0
OVERALL RESULT - JOHN & JOE WIN 2-0
posted by Joe @ 22:37
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5 Comments:
Joe, I don't believe in killing animals for pleasure, so I do hope that you ate your BBQ woodlouse.
Also, I wonder if the swan was sneering at you because it was actually riding a bike that was in perfect condition UNDER the water. It's highly likely that he cycled up to you to sneer, but the flash from your camera caused ol' swany to let go of the bike accidentally. The second picture shows him looking desperately for his sunken bicycle. Thats what probably happened.
And I was a memeber of the YOC (the Young Ornithologists Club, the military wing (get it 'wing?!) of the RSPB), so I generally know what I'm talking about when it comes to the flying creatures.
Tim I salute you! You have taken the muddy and made it clear - genius. Now everything makes sense: esp all those bikes you see on the river bed when they drain it. I always thought they were the result of drunken high jinx, or just vandalism, or even high speed accidents, but now thanks to you i see that that's where the swans had parked them.
I have no idea if the woodlouse got eaten - I think Vicki had a bath after and so she may have accidentally swallowed it, or maybe it is still lodged there in her hair... I'll find out and let you know. One point to clear up is that John did not kill it for pleasure: it was an act of revenge, or possibly self-defence.
BLACK SWAN UPDATE:
last night, i cycled past the same place where the black swan had attacked me. The moon was bright, as was my bike light, but somehow the black swan evaded my sight and nearly had me off my bike. I think it must have used some cloaking device, or maybe it was because it was black...
At the last moment i saw it, quite literally "swanning" across the path towards me and swerved to avoid it: it was a close one, and could so easily have resulted in a deadswanjoeincam outcome.
So it's honours even in that one, but i still lead 1.5 to 0.5 in the series.
You lost a game of chicken to waterfowl.
...this was no game of chicken it was a guerilla style ambush, and may I point out, one in which the swan appeared to be on a suicide mission - there can be no winners in a game such as that...
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